Wilmont 13 : The conclusion

It was around this time I was smoking my cigars quite heavily. I could look out into the smoke and see things. The past and future in clouds of smoke would appear in front of me. I would sit out on my parent’s porch in early morning in an old chair that would creak and rock. I could hear the birds; feel the morning dew on my skin. Everything was bathed in dew. Everything was wet and given a rebirth in the sunrise. I saw both horrible and exquisite things to come. Without me knowing pain I would never know pleasure. This was a lesson I learned much further down the road.

It was a typical winter. Half the trees had lost there leaves and threat of frost would be talked about on the radio like it would be the end of the world. Florida panics when we have even an inch of snow so frost was foreign and strange. Almost like waiting on a lion to seize its prey. To me the trees shedding there leaves were a cryptic message of peace to me. It meant hope for spring. It seems such a world away now. Las Vegas does not get dew it is more like just being inside all the time with a thermostat that has gone mad from watching what it conceals. She covers her body her in the raw with jewels that sparkle in the sunrise like harem girl that wants freedom of liberty. I have to admit a sunrise is beautiful no mater where you are. They are all different the sun greats us in the native tongue of the land and embraces you with a grandeur of color and a smile only matched by children. All my important answers in life come to me in the start of sunrise. Then the true book of the divine concurs the darkness and shows you the answers that bewilder us and show us such simple truth. I like to ask simple questions to get complex answers sometimes.

This was northwest Fl. It was a country all of its own. We where not quite like the exotic beauty of Orlando or the serenity of Alabama. We where in a land caught between time and place and fragmented from many an understanding of truth. We where slowly changed by time. The land still had her virginity yet was a spinster waiting to be visited by a lover that would never come to her. I would sit and wait for the Van to come and pick me up for work. I was still working for the Salvation Army. It was work where there was no work.

The Van would come I would get on and sit. Older rock music would be playing and our driver would imitate Kermit the frog. It was sort of surreal watching others get picked up and the places they lived. We would stop by one trailer park that looked staged almost like a Disney ride. Dirt roads and trailers falling apart graced the distance. You would see huge oaks strung out of the ground. The trees in places inter-tangled to make a roof in places where the sun could not go. I would see ramshackle homes that would lean to the left or right. Paint pealing, dogs and dreams and hopes shattered. I would see dead Christmas lights on homes that where never taken down. The yards wild filled with rusted swing sets, dead cars, and old children’s toys. We would drive in and out of the land of the forgotten. Where people should not live they existed in merit of what was once someone’s dream.

That December I began to go deeper in a side of life I hoped no one would see.

I would hear all sorts of stories on this van. One woman had told me about how her Husband beat her badly left for dead and was molesting her children. She said the law humored her and she even begged the law to take her kids. She never had gotten help. So she pretended to reconcile and one night took her 3 daughters got in the car and just kept driving till she got here. She said she was trying to make a better life for herself. I remember when the van would go over the bumps she would flinch or a loud noise would make her freeze up. Anther woman in her 70’s had not talked to her Son in 27 years. Her husband died left her with nothing. I could tell she wanted to talk to her son but had too much pride to do so. Another young man was a stroke victim I had met on that Van. Society tossed him away after he was no more of use. I had seen several stories of horrid ideals. It had hurt my heart greatly to see people trying to struggle not to be homeless. They wanted to live normal lives. While cities have programs smaller places do not. This is why poverty is rampant on the Gulf coast. Even in larger cities they can only help so many and others fall into the cracks. Being it is someone else’s problem it creates ghetto’s crime and makes generations of people who do not know how to live a normal life. Education is part of the key. The other part has to be better outreach with Jobs. While there are job programs in this nation they do not extend outreach enough. In fact such things are hiding. Even at Job fairs they tell you about the Job yet do not give you a resolve.

It needs to be asked at the welfare office at others if they would like help getting a job. It needs more of a hand on approach. Many are scared that they will get one then get fired and become homeless I have found. I do not drive from my eyes and have a hard time walking but I would like to do something if there was a way. I got tossed aside because it’s hard for me to get out. I am educated which makes me dangerous I suppose. I was told in my youth that I was autistic. I did not quite speak much. I did correct the doctor telling him he knew nothing about me. I had no understanding of reading, math, or writing till I was 8. I learned after my teacher figured out all I needed was a physical example. In fact I was at first grade level by the end of the week. All I needed was to be shown what was going on. Most teachers tell you but rarely show you. I was told to my parents there was a lot wrong with me. I remember being sick most of my life.

I suffered in middle school after a move when it was decided by the school system that I had disability but not one they know how to treat. My thought process was abnormal child like yet profound they said but not bad enough to be treated.

I could hold an adult conversation beyond my peers yet I can’t always read people. Even now I am trying to read others. I am not stupid People are just a mystery to me sometimes. I can see the animal behavior they practice at times. I like to try and see the good in people. I sometimes have problems because of that.

I can have mood swings at times but I am used to that. My doctor says you need help go to our Psych department. They won’t take my insurance. Doctors in Las Vegas have left in drones. Even in my own medical opinion I need help from my current decline. I can feel my memory becoming less then it was. I have to concentrate. One up these chapters can take up to four hours to type out.

Even though I dislike the things that people do sometimes and they drive me nuts, I like them at heart. I feel others are capable of fantastic things if they push themselves. My dreams get smaller as I get older. At one time I wanted a farm of my own. I love to grow things and enjoy animals. As I got older that dream just turned into a home with a garden as I became more ill. Then later on any home would have been fine. Now it’s just an Apt. I can afford and that others in my life could be happy and my niece could have what I could not. I have watched my parent’s age and my Mother take on a living death after her stroke. I watched my brothers go though failing marriages. I never got to live the American dream. I wonder if it is a myth or a beautiful story that we tell children before bed. I love this country but feel we can do better then generations of despair. I know when my parents pass on I will end up with my niece. I am not worried for my future I am worried for her. I always wanted to save others from horrid fates even if I can’t save myself. I have seen to many dead inside. I have collected a lot of antiques people have discarded. I can relate they had a purpose and at one time was something wonderful but one day they where no longer needed and where thorn away. I give them a home where they had none and bring back the beauty that was lost for the world to see. They bring me happiness by looking at them.

If even 10% said yes to offered help it would bring up standards and avoid the above. The story I write is not unique it happens every day.

I learned that Society sweeps others under the carpet when they no longer fit in.

When the van would bring me home in the evening I would feel the sting of the day. People telling me to get a real Job happened often. I would be judged sight unseen. People saying horrid things to me because they where unhappy in there own lives was common. People ignoring me and I would see the pain in there souls and empty lives. I could see the sadness of the material world. The elderly always wanted to talk. It lead me to question why people don’t talk to the elderly and why they where thorn away also. They watched time go by all they love in the world die in there lives and was tossed into a world where they understand little. Many of the very old are very sad inside.

I like to think on days that we are more then primates yet we behave worst then them for even chimpanzees show love to the elders they have.

In mid December of the time of the Wilmont story I was with a friend and we got hit from the side of the car I was in. I can’t remember it all. I was in shock. It left me to walk with a cane for life. I was in a neck brace and my spine was hurt. I was in horrid pain. I lean to the left even now.

The house was in official Eviction they where fighting in court. The court stated they refused payment therefore making the eviction illegal. I feel the real estate office was crooked because they did not give us the discloser law about the history of the duplex.

I started to drink heavy at this time. The house was a total mess when I visited. Everything was morbid. Before they went to Alabama to partake of the shooting there where several statements of what they planned on doing. I thought they where kidding. When anyone now jokes about killing someone I bitch them out being I can’t find that funny at all. It was later in confession I found out from the news “He hired both Doug and Clearance to do the shooting and they drove to Alabama to do the job.” They broke into the house and shot them in there sleep. Thinking they where dead they drove off. The neihbors described them as Hispanics in green car. I felt they thought they got away with murder.

I was told by other friends they went around the mall telling others! I have no idea why I am not dead.

I was working the night they did this. I feel deeply inside there was something I could have done to stop such a crime. I feel helpless even now. I can’t understand the motives of hit man and the ones who hire them.

I had visited the place after they did this act after Mike told me that his Grandparents had been shot. The home smelled awful like dead deer. I saw a blood stained jacket on a chair. I heard a conversation about throwing something in the bay. I am more then sure now it was the gun that did the job. What else would it be? I said what’s this? I pointed to the jack. Doug just laughed. They had the money to turn the lights on and had Christmas tree and gifts. Something was off. I cleaned the house to try and be a good friend to mike. I told him don’t worry who ever did that to your Grandparents will get there true reward. He turned white to as a sheet. He did not morn his Grandparents. I felt cold inside. Something was so very wrong. I knew deep down what he did I think but I could not believe it.

Today all I can ask. HOW DOES SOMEONE DO A CRIME LIKE THIS? WHY? WHY? WHY? No answer gives me comfort and I it has left a wound so very deep it will never heal.

I went home got a call from Mike he said my Fried “GM” was staying with him after he had a fight with his mother. My every instinct was I had to get him out. This place does not need another victim. I visited with my Shaman friend and he took me to the duplex.

I suspected what was going on after I put the clues together. I was not stupid I was just in denial. At this time I told “GR” Why not stay with “GW” at this time. He said why? I said I don’t like this place and your present company is deranged. They where talking openly at this point about what they did. They where proud about the crime like winning something important in respect in insanity in ideal. I was very scared but sadder inside. I found out later that I knew too much and was on a list to be taken out.

On the third of January the FBI seized the house kicked in the back door took the role playing books and at least 5 guns I knew of. They also took “J and D” to jail for interview. They where set free.

My brother called them in to the news. I am happy he did that because someone had to.

I was in shock watching the house on the news and J talking like he knew them well. I was angry that J says well you just don’t know some people. Yet, I think He would have gone with them if he was asked. No he did not know them. Back to his parents he went.

I went to the house after it was strange. Dead animals and occulted practices had gone in the house. Trash and clothes everywhere was all over the home like a tornado had struck. It looked more like a dumpster then a home. Neihbors had helped themselves to what they had wanted.

I talked to the Wiccans next door. They said: They kept talking about Ghost but we did not see anything.

I could only feel because they did not have anything to deal with the events is why. They moved later on shortly after.

Mike tried to call me from Jail. I wanted to help him but I can’t. He went too far and after all of that I never saw him again. I still can’t forgive what he did.

I was in deep shock for a year.

I can’t remember that year only that I was in shock and was depressed. Many I knew where gone now. Others where now adults that I knew from my early youth. I realized I never hade childhood only sets of circumstances. Someone told me: You’re free now. You where always his Guardian angel but even Guardian angels can’t stop the evil in the hearts of some people. It gave me no comfort. It only made me sad because I felt I had failed someone.

I wanted to know if it was all real again. I and my friend GM drove up to the duplex on Wilmont Ave. at night. I saw a faint blue light in the bedroom window. I knew it was real. We drove off and I moved on. The duplex had won. It just wanted to sleep now. I was quiet all the way home.

It was hard to write this chapter in my life. I only hope someone learns something from it. I think about it every once in a while. It seems a lifetime away. I will never understand why it had to be this way. I can only hope that other lead happy more productive lives.

I had many other things happen to me in my life yet this chapter defined me as who I am under the skin.

It was a long debate to tell my tale. I wanted it to sleep, yet maybe someone can learn from this.

My heart will never mend, and my soul is forever in torment in these memories that haunt me.

I went to court later about the house. The owners acted as if it was all my fault. They behaved just like the state of the house.

The spirit world itself has ways of revenge if it needs to. It is a effect of what is put in iss what you get out. Yet, the best actions can't save you if you started out by placing nails in the coffin.

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I have come down with something. I will get over it.

Death doesn’t want me and life is trying to get me to buy a timeshare.

Right now I have been resting too much to write.

Random answers.

1. Try under the sofa.

2. I am not afraid I just don't care.

3. Taco's are only fast food if you get them out.

4. If madness is the first step then truly there must be sanity somewhere in this Tango.

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I said I would not do it but I am ending up with cat number 2.

He was the only survivor. He was tossed in a bag with 8 other cats and left to die in a dumpster. Being that he is alive that makes him a true survivor. The other cats did not make it. His fate was unknown still being I have a friend who is moving and can't take the cat that belonged to his roommate.

She found him in the dumpster. So small you could have held the kitten in your hand. He spent his first year living in a bedroom. It’s sadly common in Vegas for people to get pets and get rid of them here. There should be some sort of fine.

I can't afford to take care of two cats but I will find a way.

3 if you count Ghost cat everyone see's over and over. LOL

The right thing is never easy. I will have to research how to introduce this cat without my cat freaking out. My current cat was a abuse case also. He was older and male and no one wanted him. If I leave the house he panics from abandonment issues. I am thinking another cat may help him.

I just hate the crimes people do against the innocent. I have a deep reverence for animals. So I will figure this out.

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I am very tired today so I am going to rest up for a bit. LOL I need to get off this thing and visit the real world today.

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Before time they wait. Fools can't lock the door. Wise ones hold a key.

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The Lessons of learning

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The holidays where now heeded into full swing. I had a temporary Job and things seem more normal.

Supernatural things where still going on but paled in the reality of everything else.

While the others where out Jen was complaining about the mess the pets where making.

I knew for a fact that they where not responsible enough to have animals. I convinced her they had way to many pets. They where not responsible enough to have pets in anyway from there actions. We had gathered all the kittens and cats and dogs and took them to the humane society.

That was the only place there was to take animals to. My parents would not let me keep any. This building was in the shape of a giant Igloo. I don’t know why they went all Gotham with the building but I wish they would have made it look normal so that I would not have that memory. The igloo was off white and pealing it was made from bad ice I guess.

We took the animals inside this just got worse the woman behind the desk had stubble and mustache. I tried not to look at her. She had more facial hair then I could grow in month. She started to ask the names of the animals and we told her except two cats had two weird names. Two of the cats names where Fartfia and call 911. I did tell her the names and she looked at us like we where on crack. I felt bad and said: Would you please give them better names.

“I do admit it was funny to watch mike go into the front yard and yell Fartfia call 911!!”

She grumbled and we left out of there like a bat out of hell. 3 days latter I did see the kittens where sent to a pet store where they got proper homes so I know I did the right thing. Same good fate for the small dogs being it got them proper homes. If I did not send them out they would be dead right now I am sure. If I would have kept them and put an advertisement out Mike would have found out and would have taken the animals back. I suspect he wanted the animals out of a replacement of family psychologically.

Some people should not have pets and that group was one of them.

A few days later we all went out to dinner and Mike said: I wonder who stole our animals. I said: Maybe a bearded woman in a giant igloo got them. Jen kicked me under the table. I am not sure how we afforded dinner I suspect Mike was stealing from the Salvation Army pot. My not to people is when you give be careful. You can tell the good ones from the bad ones. The good ones would be ringing the bell and saying hello and being polite. I feel it’s all in character. When I would ring the bell I would try and look nice and greet people and be friendly. I am preachy by nature and had even gone as far to learn the history of the organization to answer people’s questions. Yet, Mike would do so half ass did not really care. Jen stopped after a week. I get after bell ringers today when I see them slack off from the experience I have had. They teach you how to do the job before you go out. If he was stealing I consider that a huge crime against society. I feel charity is very important in this world as many national disasters, fixed income elderly and children growing up sometimes in the homes of the fixed income elderly. I knew a woman around that time who was in her 70’s raising a twelve year old boy.

One day she could not take it anymore and was crying because she could not take it anymore. Her daughter was very mentally ill when she had her grandson from a rape. The mother may have never been in her right mind.

The mother at first was trying to raise the child and when she snapped she had chopped up a mouse and put it in mash potatoes and wanted him to eat it at the time. They where going to put him in foster care but the Grandmother took him so he would have family. I could relate because my parents are raising my niece. It’s more common then you think these days. Her bills where very bad and even if she was working this job she was trying to pay off medical bills and she was getting ready to lose her home if she did not use this money for bills. While I knew the Salvation Army would give this child some gifts. I felt he needed something more because other kids where making fun of him for being poor.

In those days my eyesight was better and I had gotten myself a Nintendo 64. It was something I wanted very badly. Even today, I think that sort of thing is still fun. I try and do what I can. “No one is going to tell me what I can and can’t do. Yet, I packed it up and gave it to her to give to him for the holidays. I wanted more for this child and Decided to give him something he would really want.

It is my theory that if a child never knows what it is to have something growing up he may not value himself or herself in life. This sacrifice was for the welfare of a child. I had presents for my family but nothing to show my work. It did not matter I know I did the right thing. I have people say to me you have very little yourself you can’t afford to do things like that! If I had prevented some suffering then it is worth it. Yes it takes me a long time to get anything and yes I have health issues but I survive. If I can’t see the TV I can hear it. If I can’t walk I will use my chair. I can survive. It’s not bad. I will most likely die this way but I can sleep at night. I don’t need the finer things in life to be happy. I will make do. When I had money in the past I have used it to restore antiques. I like fixing old things they make me happy. At this time I was far easier for me to do things. I am in decline now. I am typing this on a 48 size font. The screen is read to me by a program. Then I put in back into a normal size.

I am not worried about me. I have seen the evil in the world of man and that is far worse then any nightmare I could ever have. I have lived a full life I got my degrees, lived longer then I was told I would and I have friends and family. I am a very rich man in this way.

Jen had gotten food assistance from the government and had gotten food for some strange thanksgiving feast. None of them had families except the shaman, D and me. Even with” D” I would say it was a lose tie. My parents have been together over 50 years. I learned a lot by watching there relationship. They fought and had problems but where able to talk out there differences.

“I learned after the Wilmont story the sign of a good relationship is communication.

Before my fiancée past on from a drunk driver we would have conversations on just about everything. Friendship is as important then sexuality in a good relationship. When she passed she was with child. I sometimes wonder what the child would have been like. The driver was elderly man who drinking all day. He tried to drive away at the accident. I was in the car as well and left me some problems in my life. I was in a total of 3 car accidents in my life. None ever aided me. I forgave the man. What kind of sadness would you have to be in to be drinking all day? I was never driving in any of them. I have no def perception so I can’t drive.

After her passing I married my spiritual life because I had lymph node cancer that left me the ability not to have children. I took a whole bottle of pills after her death in attempt to end it all and woke the next day. When I woke up I could not help but laugh after a 20 hour nap. No one even noted I was gone. I could only think this is hell. I only wanted someone to tell me why. No one could. No one can even now. We live to live I think and we are own destiny in the motion of only understanding. After a time by the water side I buried what would have been my wedding band under the full moon. I choose a divine connection in my life of my personal dedication in a path of divine right to my Gods in rebirth to push forward. I had to die to be reborn and symbolically I did.

My niece Rachael has always been my child. After my parents got her I changed her dippers played with her taught her to speak and even saw her first steps. I was the only one that could hold her. The hardest thing I had to do was move away from my parents because I was very attached to her. I visit with her every week and she calls me on the phone. She is starting to become a teenager now. In so many years she will have her own children. One day I will just be a fading memory. All I can leave is words behind for descendants to read. I have a very in depth sorrow I try and let go and even when I do it returns like a faithful dog. We all have our own bag of rocks we carry around our neck. Everyone has something. Many are worse then me. I can only wish that they find happiness and freedom from pain.”

I think more and more that family may help us stay stable from the madness in the world. When we lose it our structure in life becomes less grounded. The aspects of life seem to attack one if you differ in this way.

You sink or you swim in this world. I think this is partly why the local Cops had thought us to be a gang on Wilmont Ave… In reality it sort of was. A gang is a set of people with no blood ties that come together for reasons of a common goal of survival in less desirable situations. Yet in some ways I am starting to think Society creates such things by providing only clan like outreach. None of them really had family that cared about them at all. They where children born but never really planned for what future they would have. Or even if desired I can only think the parents did not have the proper lifestyle to take care of kids after a set of twisted designs they had weaved into there lives. My heart cannot ponder the idea being it leads to madness.

Afterwards the house was not being up kept. The trash truck was no longer picking up there garbage. In this town you had to hire a company to pick up the garbage. It was not contracted by the city and in my thoughts this causes health problems. They where piling up the garbage in the yard!!! They where acting more like animals then people at this time. It was not normal. It was around this time there sense of humor became very dark. I had no idea if they where joking or not. The looks in there eyes was deranged to say the least. I don’t know what they became.

I began to distance myself.

My shaman friend said there is a great deal of spiritual damage here. At this time they picked up a social misfit who was a youth minister for one of the Baptist churches in the area. He was a high School night Janitor by trade. I found out he was removed from his position from the church for sexual deviancy.

Anyhow he had lost his Apt. and was homeless and being he was one of there role playing friends he moved in. He did not want to move in with his parents. He was in his 40’s. I understood but this guy was creepy to say the least. He was an ex alcoholic who was drinking again. I am more then sure he had a past.

He noted the things going on in the house so he decided to do an exorcism. I feel this man was not fit to do anything, more or less an exorcism. When he got to the backyard and on the hill a tree root tripped him and he got hurt badly ending his defrocked rite quickly. He was one of them now. The duplex was insulted and the land wanted revenge.

Everything was twisted dark and insane as it goes from this moment in the story.

I will never for the life of me understand what they did to follow in the last part.

I will never forgive the last chapter to follow and it will haunt me for as long as I live.

I will never look at the winter the same or enjoy the holidays as I did in my youth.

I will always remember the horror.

I was in shock for a year after. I can forgive almost anything but some things are so hideous you can’t forgive them. I know now where my threshold sits.

Next part: The horror that came to Christmas and a FBI new year.

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If it is not the moon then it is the sun and perhaps in each the hidden truth of dying dew.
Hold on to your innocence and purity in thought to transcend.

To do so is to remove the false innocence of misunderstanding and to show your message to those who may see the universe. The only crime is set in the waste of time that can't be undone. That is more sad then the action itself wasted.

To those that do not know it they will map it and one day in there understanding grasp it no matter the wisdom sought.

It will be light that comes on in dream of a dark cave embraced in truth love and understanding.

We must live life to understand this. It is not about objection but instead beauty in everything.

I have always attempted to seek the ethereal beauty that has evolved in the realm unnoticed. I had sought my life the genuineness of not what the star is made of but instead what it does.

My heart can only grace that intellect of the advocate of grace that makes up in passion from what springs from the profound.

I rather not concentrate on the words but instead the harmonic rhythm hypnotic and scenically in the purity of innocence. A grace made no more then the ever waver moment of that harmonic meaning. Delicate like that of rose petal ever hemorrhaging in the wind till the sensation’s strike the eyes of Gods.

Pain is no more then this harmonic that can be transcended in its purity.

We should be moving ever upward stripped from anguish in both bone and soul. A release of tragedy and a gift to see beauty again is in the ever changing chakra inside.

The breath by three moments intrinsically ever pushing ourselves from the solar plexus to go forward can show you something of value.

We are not punished we are only given lessons some can painful but can be transcended by knowing we can stop being the victim by choice. Peace from within and to find our true center can only achieve this. The first step in watch the ripple in the pond from the stone tossed in. That mystery has an answer.

If I am an architect in my soul then so are you in this understanding. To truly acknowledge the divine us and about is also to acknowledge others.
Beyond time and to place you in the same room of your ancestors you would see your face shining in the light in reflection.

The Dharma cause of the lesson of now holds more truth in choice then the Karmic choice of the aftermath of later in the next existence.

If the lesson is forgotten the ignorance is your true karma not the punishment. The punishment is self chosen by your own spirit by the knowledge of what you know what you did by not understanding the lesson.

In protection in anything the higher understanding leads to wisdom in simple eloquence, quietly like that of the embrace of wind.

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