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My niece caught me on my computer earlier today on this site. LOL

She pointed at this website and said is that what you do on the computer? She then watched for a moment.

It looks like a convention of old people trying to be scary….

Wow getting older is weird….. Your 34 do you remember the 1920's?

I told her "Yes I do and your father fought in the cival war and your Grandparents helped lead the way on the Mayflower..."

So now I know what a child thinks about my age…

When I was her age all I wanted to be was older. Now that I am older all I want to do is remember why! LOL

In a lifetime we may see a thousand sunsets but not one could replace the memory of any given moment we have here in this world. Perhaps to exist in itself is a art. To make breath and take up the moment like a fallen star. The star will make her beautiful leap for just one glorious moment.

Few will see but will never forget the sight. Perhaps the true salvation of man is to honor life in all it's mystery and to discover patience in a hostile world.

If you stop everything around you for just a moment and examine all the events from day to day you will note how trivial our lives are. Yet in the eyes of others and the other lives we encounter perhaps that is the bigger answer. To just pay attention to just a moment outside everything "outside of you" would give you a understanding to what is hidden around us.

We are dying inside before we are even born being. A sacred clock that moves forever forward. It was not done out of cruelty but instead to understand life in itself is a gift. If we where immortal we may not understand this. Yet, I sincerely believe the soul is. The body is no more then a vehicle of experience. Pleasure, pain, and emotion gives one a higher calling of understanding.

Our mind was not created for pain and frustration alone. It was created to learn and unravel truth in any form.

We harm ourselves and are our own worst torturer by our personal actions at times. We harm ourselves by envy and greed.

You are entitled to have anything of your hearts desire but when we want only because we don’t have to creates a weakness. The unique desire to gather what calls to you can be of spiritual need. Go to where your soul can feed on your definition of beauty to receive answers. No two people will have the same desire nor eye yet some things are universal. Most of the time we find that to be knowledge. Many a person will tell you under the skin they have a great power they can never set free.

Many will bleed the souls till they are hollow.

In spiritual life one must feed the soul as well the mind and body. No one can tell you how but yourself.

Money alone is not the enemy it is how we use it. The priceless things in life will truly mark a rich man are his memory. We only rent life.

When we are happy with what we have instead of what we could have then we have more then others.

Our time is short like the fallen star; How you live your life is up to you.

Surely a person who finds his soul has all.

We have been told what to do but perhaps you have to walk into the eye of the storm to have calm. It is a fine line. I think the answer is to not seek out petty things and actions in life yet still be able to defend yourself in a calm way. Defense is also not attack it is reason. If one cast off ignorance for stronger ideas you can move towards your goals faster. Truth speaks for itself.

Those that wait on things that may not have happen in progress hinder there own density.

We should seek within first to understand the outside. We should seek by who we really are not what others want us to be.

Since we have been born we have been told who we are but not who are we really.

You can mold yourself into anything you want to be. When I was a child I had a school teacher tell me we have test because not everyone can be a brain surgeon.

I found this sort of to be quite petty. I said if someone truly wants to be a brain surgeon they can. She said no. I asked: “If you kill the dreams of others don’t you end up creating ignorance in return?” Half the problem I have with so many people is they believe they have limitations and set there minds to low ideas because they do what they are told to do.

People are more then the titles we are given. When we give up our dreams I say that would be true death. I am getting older and my health is quite bad yet I noted the older I get the more I age I can still myself. I think if I could do that in my teens I would be dangerous.

I have never seen the future years as a problem but instead a very interesting time. I only hope if I get further that I can be as wise as many. The more I learn the more I have no idea about. That idea excites me to no end. I feel age is not a curse and I feel the reason we age is to make us all equal. In a way we share immortality in that equality. The shared experience of life gives a huge understanding of truth.

Death enforces this. I never made view of death as a monster. I always saw her as being that gives mercy to the dieing that are in great pain. What many mistake for death is loss. Loss makes me sad as well but I feel no one truly leaves us. I see my Grandmother and my mother in my niece. I also feel that connection we have with our loved ones lets them visit us by a door of memory. The soul will move on and do so over and over. I feel the Akashic Records

Let us return.

http://www.edgarcayce.org/about_ec/cayce_on/akashic/

The school of life has test and if we understand this you could move the very sky for all to see the star. The one moment of beauty in that sky.

I thought my friends blog was note worthy to some that may be interested in magick.

It's not on this site so I thought I give him a plug.

http://robjo.wordpress.com/

The above link is Rob's magick blog. He covers all sorts of subjects and offers a free download of his book on LULU.

He has been my friend for a while now and his own take on things that I thought may be interesting to some here.

This morning I am having Coffee as normal and going though my papers of the projects I am working on.

I am not quite sure which parts to blog. I ruled out placing any spell on this site so I don’t offend others. I understand there are many beliefs on here. I did place up a few sections of my original work.

I also debate the safety of what I was working with last night in translation. It seemed rather diabolical and I have doubts someone could wield such an act without going completely mad.

I do understand why such a work would exist in a need of defense. I do view bringing forth phantasmal entities in call to be rather disturbing and the method unsettling but quite workable and occultist sound.

I had debated the origin and agenda in research. I had an expert look at the works tells me style of writing was Middle English. More interesting is the style of speech seems to change randomly. Not that odd in such works I have found. I will be placing these works in my book. I decided to only sell to an adult audience.

I had a friend who is a literary major verify the age of several of the works I am working with. I was told what I had been rare and quite odd. Some of this work has left me perplexed greatly. It took up to 40 mines to find the meaning of just one word at times. Sections are missing but I can see the method and repair and place in back into the modern tongue.

In some of my other works

When my Family had lived in Italy before my birth my Grandmother had collected several works with notes from friends she had made there.

It looks like Charles Leland’s work kind of. Except in this version of Vangel It has the childhood of Aradia. More on her birth and it differs greatly. I can’t quite understand all of it as of yet.

I say it looks like someone’s family tradition that was kept up. This would have been a marker in the mid 1960’s. I decided to include it one of my books. It differs so greatly from the 2 translations I had seen on market and I could not call it the same work. Chapters differ also. It was all hand written in both Italian and Greek. Why Greek I do not know and is quite a mystery.

My Grandparents and mother spent many years in collecting information. Trying to make head or tails has been a challenge to say the least.

My health has been quite bad so I have a feeling of rush to get it to where it needs to be before I leave here.

In many ways I made this my gift to the world. I would paint again but it hard to hold my hand steady. I had given away several of my paintings and they float about.

While I am not the most eloquent writer I am attempting to place care into each work with every fiber of my being. Without spell check my works would be a nightmare. I write everything down that flows into my head. I feel dual in personality almost. There is me who is about as silly and as child like as you can go, “I can be like a ten year old with a gun at times” then my other half having war with verity of diversity transiently in thought among a spiritual universe forever trying to defend knowledge.

So much that may never be said rewritten or understood.

I have read lost works from a Nun who has suffered greatly that she could never tell others of the things she saw dieing with regret that she was never understood to Alchemist ever trying to reach forward to understanding not just God but a symbolism of works.

I have seen the works of Women and Men in Witchcraft. Some who forever want to move forward in love and others who hearts where harmed so badly had turned into a dark recess and never came out.

I had read the account of one Woman who was spat upon and treated quite badly but when someone would fall ill they would go to her home in desperation. Her formulas where quite interesting. They hung her later after she could not heal an infant.

It was written her last words where something like “I forgive you for you are children who are afraid.”

I don’t think she was Pagan. She was using angels to heal. In many cases researching if you had differed at all you where a heretic and put to death. The Jews in Europe seem to be a very large target in older times.

I have found several Pagan texts. It seems there is a record but most don’t seem to want to work for it. In the 1930’s many did skim from it but after a bit a great deal was dismissed as almost they only wanted what had supported there cause at points. I will not speak badly of other authors being I feel all books are important.

Right now I picking directions and deciding what to do.

Anyhow, I wish everyone a good day.

I truly like this site and the people here. It is nice to have discussions with people who are not on the war path. I rarely fit in anywhere form my way of going about things. I am told I am rather eccentric.

“In all reality I am as about Kooky as you can go.”

I do like having discussions on subjects most run away from. I hope to be of use while I am here. I spent my life in study of everything occult or paranormal and I practice my art. Labels to describe me would be rather hard. I found hardly anyone that works like I do. I gave up being understood a long time ago. I decided the message is more important. I don’t judge other paths. I am ok with whatever one is as long as they are respectful. I don’t think our path defines us a person as much as our actions do. The true path is self.

I think if we want to see ourselves we should look at our friends.

I have worked before with some on cases dealing with various things both in information and as a empath-sensitive. I sometimes get calls from other places with questions. LOL Most of my answers are no or you did what? LOL

I wish everyone well today.

I enjoy this place very much.

Another part of my book. 

Desire

To gaze upon the face of love in desire of all the impurity of fallen heaven is to see the lost moment. To dream asunder a thousand sunsets of rapture mean nothing in the eyes of the fallen temple. It is to burn of passion quenched in the imperial thinking of lost knowledge.

This is the suffering so sweet that a quire of the fallen sings upon practiced lips in the new dawn.

Go forth from your houses and toll a bell to the unknowing to find me in cloaked in shadow.

The eyes of the witch sits between world. The balance of truth must be kept secretly to not draw the blood of the past.

Perhaps this thought is the moment that protests this second of reason and the black heart upon a chamber bed. Many will miss the message and may never find there true soul.

Wake not the memory upon the grave. Seek not its meaning alone for that is the dagger that cuts hope deep in faith. Fools and faith one is my curse. Some things cannot be explained.

A man can be consumed has his own curse of self.

What is to be of noble blood but to say you are of sickness?

To say you have a history that is forever profaned by twist of those who rewrote history in the ignorance of future generations has not truth.

Oh, to be a fool without reason is to teach the heart to sing beyond the opera that life strews.

The taken shroud of the chamber of love is now just a memory of a death bed of the forgotten dream. We are all haunted. We are all lost. We are all mad. If not we could not see. We look outward to be sane. Truth has been hidden by many who make excuse. So truly the Mad may be the sane.

We think we know the riddle. We are the riddle. Connection is your curse to the last second of life if you do not know what you are connecting to.

We will all toil and burn in the eyes of the sun.

The bastards of creation are not but nothing in the eyes of one mistress scorned.

This is my message for the lost of the world. We are but scorned by the laws of humanity made from animals.

What is a dream but an age held in time?

Relationships are like lifetimes. They have a launch and conclusion.

People in life pass or gather collectively in soul groups. Watch how they gather in life to learn more.

Ever repeating the same things and walking on the skeletal ice of life until they get it right.

It maters not the world or the time the same ideas are unanimous. Life and relationships are one. They are all dreams. The last for a moment in the eyes of the divine like a snowflake. They are the song of the deceased memory. Sweet and bitter in torture by a velvet voiced mistress in a time of despair.

It can not be chained and the desire must burst forth in to bloom in longing. A beast free that moves with passion rips the desire of our souls unto the open.

"Perhaps this why a mother would rather hold her dead baby then cast it to the ground."

If you stop and take the moment and understand it is all but a dream you become phantasmal. We are dreams of the divine and the universe is a painting that forever changes.

We must think before we leap.

If not fate holds something deeper to take heed of.

The curse perhaps that creates a Harpy of a Woman. .. To forever desire love but to be removed from all.

One can take the role of Medusa and wait for someone to look her into the face and stand for truth or become a heart of stone destroying all that may have love in the heart. The fates have deeper meanings in this.

One night I dreamt I walked a forest where the trees had twisted faces and would cry blood. Instead of bark they had leather like skin and instead of leaves bones hung from the branches. The heavens above was dark ruby with swirls of grey. In the center of the forest a couple was making love and at first did not notice me.

I could care less. The woman turned her head at me. And had no lips and half the skin of her face was ripped off. As they where making love they where eating each other bit by bit is sexual desire.

To me this summed up love, life and relationships. When they where done the woman picked a long pointy broken bone from a near by tree. She proceeded to shove the bone into her lovers chest and fall to her knees and laugh. She then picked up a rock and began to smash his skull. Her laughter echoed about the wood like the shrieks of ravens. I just walked on quietly. "Nightmares to seem to not be avoided. I take it as normal now."

It seemed like a normal conclusion to such an act. I then woke up.

In dreams I have watched the astral court and its consternation. I have seen the heavens burn in the blue fire and looked into the eyes of the Gods to see truth.

Life holds little meaning to what is immortal.

We drain ourselves vastly into our personal desires. Dark and reaching out like a torn lover is our desire.

Speak not of trials. In the end all lessons are personal. That is the creature we become. We must take care of our own in order to find a purpose in life. We are all Animals and the word humanity gives some rights only in thoughts. Our actions define who we are not our lables.

A word alone proves nothing. We think words will save us. In truth this is folly.

We are prey or predator. If you look into your soul and feel my words you will know what you are.

Some shall call those who prey upon life a monster but we all must feed to live. We are monsters to both animals and plants. We have done crimes to one another that not even the deepest pit of Hades cannot create.

I have learned the only crime is to become the prey without knowing. A worse crime is to be a wasteful hunter. For some the desire of surrender is satisfying. To other it is a grand defeat.

Both have the same end.

All we encounter we become a part of even if it is not our will. Once you take in that energy it joins with you like a new limb. Take heed in what you look for.

We are all blind with knives in a war with no end.

We are all bastards in the eyes of fools. What is the world but a land filled with a choir of fools.

The song is weak and filled with the dialogue of a thousand dead worlds with all the mistakes repeating over and over.

The great philosophers will tell you.

"What is one life worth? What is a handful of lives worth to a thousand generations? Greed of preservation is the desire of the human race. Truly blood is life. Our seed we -plant into the garden of life is made to make the last generation fertilizer."

So, if they are of spirit are they only worth to be dung of your garden? Do you desire to be respected after your death? 

The tree of life is on fact on fire and burns with humanity for a short while.

We are all made to die. We seek out the mystery in hope that we may have power. If you truly desire power then just take it.

Limitations are created to stop Children from dreaming.

 If you understand your dreams you can create reality. We are all victims every one. One must become angry to understand this and understand what we are handed in life is not expectable.

All composition is created by the creation of reality. Al master works of art is created by not excepting that we can not do so. Some shall say all things start with Love.

Love is perhaps one of the most dangerous and justified things in all of creation.

Love is the greatest temptation. It is said. The need for Angels to make love was so great they cast off there wings and gave up immortality for a night of passion. The names of Angels mean little. The Romans of old would tell you they where the children of Venus. Perhaps, this is why Cupid rarely knew normal love and suffered greatly for it.

Hera Sent her Anglos "Iris" among the living to tell others of the truth of Love. She suffered greatly at the lust of Humans.

Love was a creation of the greatest of all darkness at the bottom of all planes. It is temptation when man twist it by his desires and it falls to become lust.

For many it is completion and most of all it is pain. It is madness in its most pure form. Without love there can be neither hate nor jealousy.

For what is to covet but to love something in lust? Light knows not love but cleansing from all that is not in its purity.

If the jester is truly impotent then the king must be blind and the knights agents of chaos. We must remove restriction from our loves but keep wisdom of how to behave.

All is a great puzzle that goes on forever. These words mean little but all will live them one way or another.

This age has the ability to create great magnificence from our technology alone but instead we fret it away with toys we thrust aside. The lady has shattered her looking glass upon the tombs of the ignorant. In all the ignorance we speak of our forefathers without knowing who they are and we have became far more ignorant in the way conduct ourselves. This time has many who speak for us but few that know. Perhaps this is the price we live in our personal age of reason. We have enslaved virtue and erected the whore of self worth far beyond our truth of what we really are. We need to destroy this disposable age and create an age of beauty in ever lasting tribute. We have seemed to have lost are way and value of an understanding of refined culture. This does not amass to any one race, creed, or religion but instead humanity as a whole. We have allowed greatness to rust and have placed value in false idols that we tire we dispose. The true Gods are not made they have roots and ideas that one can find with ease that span 20 thousand years. Today, I see amoung us the creation of self loathing monsters who do not even try to understand the creations they exploit. They die in vain after not understanding there servitude. It is not about change but about choice. We need to wipe off the dust and reclaim the vast inheritance that has been left to us. Not just my country but the whole world needs to say no “I will not support the stupidity that has been tossed at me.” I am not speaking about revolution. All Revolutions breed dictators. All civilities of structure has been created to one day die. History teaches us this. They all fall. The only thing that is immortal is ideas, death, ignorance, Gods, and concepts of universal beauty. In order to have a great society we have take responsibility for ourselves find the flaws and fix them. It was utopia turned hell by our own hands. We should be angry at ourselves then fix the problem. We all remember the philosopher enshrined next to the Gods but none remember the goat keeper. Those who have kept this art suffered in world that did not understand them. What if we all attempted to understand the greater concepts for just one day? What could we accomplish? This age needs poets, Musicians, philosophers, painters, sculptors and dreamers. It needs people to take the photos to reveal the soul. It does not need another servant. It needs for people to look upon a Rembrandt and truly know what our soul looks like. Witchcraft also is an art and this world needs real practitioners to continue our art. We need not rituals and words that serve no one. We need people who know what they are doing. The more of us there are the more this world will learn. Even scientists are some of the greatest dreamers ever seen. We need to embrace knowledge. We need to build great structures that leave us awe struck. Are we only fit to live in pens and eat with the livestock in disposable excess? Are we only fit to only Worship Gods that are not understood. If you are truly a worker of the art then Work. If not may the titles that some falsely claim haunt them forever as a price. Humanity is already awake it’s just lost. To be awaken to the world of magick is not just seeing things but instead understanding what they are. Only then we can lead the way. Do it for yourself if anyone. Truth, Love, and understanding can be owned by no one but the soul. Hate can be even caring for some. We need to learn not to care about the others in there task but instead improve our own.

This is some typical dreams I have.

I will give two examples.

1. Another dream under a Smokey gray and violet sky Posted Date: 27 May 07 Sunday -

 I walked around a dank and dirty wasteland. Everything was dead under a Smokey gray and violet sky. Buildings of great art and splendor lay in ruin. Weapons of all manner lay on the ground. The ground would make crunching noise as you would walk. The fragile bones of those lay where they fought. Shadow would move in and out of these places. Souls seem trapped for all eternity left to wander. A once beautiful world lost to time and some kind of conflict. I came to a square in all the rubble stood a statue of a humanoid woman with one broken wing reaching towards the heavens. It had a plaque of some sort I could not read. It was covered in dead thorny vines. Under it was a skeleton clutching what looked like a child looking up at it. It must have been the last thing they saw. A break though the clouds shined light upon it. It was a beautiful idea to me of mortality. We have just a moment to shine. I noted the shadows where more vast here as they would swirl in the wind. They would whisper in a tongue I could not understand. They would sometimes swirl around me in curiosity. I moved on into ally till I came to a large round building. It lay untouched. Around it stood statues of mythical phantasmal creatures bearing swords. Large dead trees surrounded it. This most have been some sort of holy ground. At first from the outside I took it to be a palace but no it was a temple of some sort. Under an arch was a round container bearing blue colored fire. It burned upon nothing. It was amazing sight in itself. I went though a large triple door into the building. I could see a large altar around it was more causality. I remember the smell was horrid like burnt hair. From ceiling to floor symbols I had never seen and windows that seem to be created to let light shine of this altar. It was built like a large spell. It must have been a place of grand beauty. I could only imagine what this was like in its day. I was caught off guard I felt something tug at me. Startled I turned around and it was small girl. In human standard I say about 4 years old. She was covered in dirt and grime and dust. She was bleeding from her forehead and I could see though her. She also cradled her arm as it was broken. She had a smile on her face and said "I remember." "I stay to remember. They all wanted this place." She looked upward at the ceiling. I was puzzled more then disturbed. I had committed to memory from my dream journal what she said. She went on to say the shadows are the innocent that don't understand but one day they will remember to it depends on how others understand truth and it's purity. She then said. "When we are remembered then we can go on and have joy again. People here forgot to dream and it all ended. No one can own the truth of divine that is in the heart. The soul and the heart are one. One day someone will want us and we will help them remember what is truly important. Please do not forget me or let others forget us to end the pain. No one grieves for the abused. I take the pain of the abused. It's the innocent that pay for the crimes of Greed. I am the spirit of Joy. Help end my pain. "She turned to walk out and I could see that the back of her head was caved in. The building began to crumble and cave in like if it was made of dried plaster and I woke up. I can go for a bit not having another dream like this one………….. While it seems simple enough I think it's more complicated then we think. Perhaps in my twisted journeys of astral or imagination some concepts are universal. I feel tormented for knowing.

 2.

Subject She would give birth to children Posted Date: 29 May 07 Tuesday - 3:13 AM

 I dreamt I was on a large floating rock. You could see water slowly engulf the edges of it. I saw a large floating hourglass with crimson sand falling from the top, Laying at the top of the hour glass was a woman with 6 heads. She was cranking a grinder that was built in the hourglass with her right hand. She would give birth to children she would drop in a grinder that became the endless sand. A man with no head would make love to her in between each action. The left arm would sometimes grab a baby and take it to one of the heads so it could feed. Around the floating rock was clear water with no bottom. Giant black fish with gray eyes would swim around this rock as if they where Waiting for it to sink. I made eye contact with one of the heads. She began to engage me in conversation her first words where. Substance, pleasure or time? Motherhood has a huge price she gasped. None I said. I rather not be a metaphor for existence. She began to laugh…. Then all the heads began to laugh as the headless body made love. Another head said this is our existence yours is the wheel. Mortals move in circles. Yet you're here. What are you trickster? I simple said what came to mind. I am memory. I wait…. I explore to take what needs to be taken. My mortal life is just a fraction of who I am. What I am does not matter. I am searching for others like me. She gnarled with all heads…. We keep from sinking by feeding time. Some have judged us harshly. The Gods have called us abomination. We where made to be here. No choice except in the eyes of the dreamers. The fish hunger for our flesh. We where once on a mountain and we would listen to the song of destiny and sorrow sang by my sister sirens. I am the song of fallen mothers she wailed. I am the anger all forget. I am the depression. I am the forsaken regret. I am the price of lust and servitude. I am the need not needed. We drive unnatural desire. Together we are the daughters of craving. I said "Everything is temporary". If you want to leave this place then stop. I could not help but laugh. They asked what I found so amusing. I said all of this in title and this is all you can do? "There is nothing beyond this they said." I thought deeply about that. Perhaps…..I thought nothing would be Better then this so nothing must be something. At this point one of the heads began to eat upon the another head. Another head began to eat the lover. Most likely they ate his head somewhere along the way anyhow. There hunger could not be contained in there lust in those moments being they could not feed and talk at the same time. The rock began to sink while the fish began to ram the rock. I walked endlessly upon the water and watched the colossal fish tear them apart till I woke.

I have been trying to figure this profile thing. This place differs from myspace. This site is like another dimension.

I am trying to set up shop here. I have not quite figured it all out yet but I am getting there.