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Viewing 10 - 18 out of 102 Blogs.
Mr. Raphael’s relatives offered up a hideous lime green and pink argyle sweater as a X-mas gift this year. A gift means you should be grateful, right? Well then I’m guilty as charged. Unholy ungrateful. They know I dig earthtones and my name is not Barbie (yeah, hard to imagine, looking at my avatar). Perhaps I look traditionally feminine, but it’s not the way I dress. And I’m not a teenager living in the 50s during a bad sales event.
It’s not really a material issue though. Sometimes someone hands you something that’s so not you, that you have to wonder if the person has seen or heard you in the years they’ve known you. … reminds me of the type of person who pretends Michael Jackson isn’t an abusive White mother. Or maybe they’re hoping to initiate some sort of change (here, have this awful pink and green sweater, your fashion sense needs help)?
The price tag was left on the thing, boasting a horribly bloated price (probably they got it 85% off though). No receipt came with it and even if it did, that’d be a problem, cause then I’d know what store it came from and would want to burn it down, not exchange the gift. The thing is wretched. Someone out there would love it.
So I’ve been wedging it against a door as insulation against the cold (we need to get one of those rubber seals for the bottom, because the door is too far off the floor and lets cold air in).
Mr. Raphael thinks this is a disrespectful use of his family’s gift. Is he right? Maybe. I asked him if he’d like to wear it instead. He wasn’t interested. He asked if I’d want anyone to know that I was using their shirt as a door insulator? I was on the fence. So I asked him if he’d ever thrown out a gift (everyone has). Yes, he admitted. Then I asked if people would want to know that. I asked why they have to know anything? I felt my heart race, and asked him what our place might look like in 20 years if we “respect” everyone’s gifts. “I don’t know”, he said. Then he shrugged, grabbed a pencil and finished off a Sudoko puzzle (great, addictive fun, in case you‘re ever interested).It’d be nice to know that one of the gifts I sent out is being put to use, even if the use isn’t the one I intended for it … unless it involves unjustified crime or weird exchanges of body fluids - then I don’t want to hear anything about it. Still, there is that pang of guilt I feel looking down at that hideous sweater, keeping us warm, meant to be worn on my body. But then the pattern and colors make me so angry and I feel trapped by it. So I try not to look at the door if I can help it. This year I resolve to give up gift acceptance LOL.
- R
In many ways I’m grateful 2007 is over. It was an emotional maelstrom due to a string of deaths, literally and figuratively. But this year was educational and humbling too, showing me that my mind is even more confused than it‘s owner ever realized.
Realized it makes no sense to label myself agnostic when at times I think there’s no “Higher Power” and nothing beyond the grave. Which is an atheist stance. But then sometimes I do seem to sense some Higher Power, and before I declare it my imagination at work and stick with atheism, agnosticism flies to the rescue and tells me there’s no way to prove there is no God, so I must concede it’s possible. Therefore I’m technically not an atheist. In generally I’m intellectually agnostic; emotionally atheist. I’m an agno-atheist.
The fact of the paranormal changes none of this. For some reason I suspect science will explain hauntings, EVP voices, etc. some day waaay in the future. If it proves we live beyond the grave that will be amazing.
Sometimes I get stuck between fearing there’s nothing beyond death, and hoping there’s nothing.
Anyone else have an unusual, eclectic (or confused) spiritual stance? What is it?
- Raph
Some of you good folks have fessed up to having (abnormal) sleep paralysis episodes, where you feel paralyzed and aware of your surroundings, and you either see, hear, feel or otherwise get a feeling that something in the room with you. (Not talking here about the normal paralysis that most people sleep through while dreaming)
For those who haven’t heard about Sleep Paralysis as a sleep disorder, here’s a good link: http://sleepparalysis.dnswh.com/what_is_sleep_paralysis.htm
Had another SP episode the other morning (waking up). Usually my reflex is to mentally struggle to wake up the second the paralysis starts. This time I decided to try and induce an OBE (whether or not OBEs are hallucinations or real). Tried willing myself to leave my paralyzed body several times, and it didn’t work. Seemed to spin around and that’s all. Then I kept thinking I was awake only to find it was still impossible to move. I didn’t sense any presence in the room at this time and the paralysis lasted very long - probably the longest ever experienced.
But then I felt - keeping this PG rated - a sudden sexual charge and then heard a male ask if he could - still keeping it PG - assist me with anything, sexually. I quickly said no (yeah, I know it’s stupid to turn down a freebee), though I’m sure my mouth wasn’t actually moving when I talked LOL. That’s when I started screaming “wake up wake up wake up” inside my head and awakened.
These are hallucinations, I keep telling myself. They are supposed to feel convincingly real. At the same time, there appears to be activity starting up in my home again, albeit fairly subtle (the bedroom door-handle being lightly tugged, and keep hearing this strange noise like a metal coil being played with (could be explained logically though - am working on that).
Any of you having interesting times with sleep paralysis lately? … Thanks.
- R
Sometimes I battle against the idea of a God, sometimes I defend the idea there might be a God. I’m up in the air about abortions being murder. I kind of like the Death Penalty as an idealized way of ridding the Earth of hazardous people, but also tend to loath the Death Penalty since it’s not an exacting punishment: prison for life is much harsher than (legally) knocking someone’s lights out quickly and for good. A couple needles with momentary discomfort seem too humane for someone who likely slowly raped and murdered two kids. Speaking of likely, an “oopsy” in sentencing which leads to a wrongful death doesn‘t seem right.
My mother called up yesterday, bored, looking to argue about the Bible. I obliged her. I don’t even care about the Bible. It was a way for her to ask “How are you”, and me to answer “Fine, now please leave me alone“.
That night Mr. Raphael got irritated because of a remark I made about the Muslim faith and how hateful the Quran sounds to me (he’s not Muslim - just confused, like me). In defending my view that many words in the Holy Quran seem to inspire hate, I compared it to the Bible. I defended the Bible as sounding a little less vengeful and separatist. … And the next time my mother calls I may or may not give in to my temptation to slam the Holy Bible.
I’m agnostic most of the time. Am not atheist, but I will be if you’re a dogmatic religious type. Or if something horrible just happened. Or if I’m bored and wondering how the soul could survive when our brains appear to be responsible for the formation of our personalities, and that we’re brain dead when we’re dead. How would the soul present itself without the thoughts our deceased brain accumulated? … blahblahblah.
Liberal and conservative: I’m both, or either … depends on who’s in the room. I like to take the minority view when at all possible. I seem to learn more and become more confused that way.
I believe in the paranormal, although “belief” is not exactly the right word. Because I have personal evidence of the paranormal (like many of you), I “know” of the paranormal. But I don’t have your proof and you don’t have my proof. So really it’s my paranormal phenomenon I “believe” in and not yours. You believe in your phenomenon and will question mine, unless you take me on faith. But you shouldn’t take me on faith; it should be assumed I’m lying (but I’m not - I swear!). Or you shouldn’t believe me because I may have misjudged my experiences. There could be a “normal” explanation I‘m not aware of - or maybe I have sanity issues, or some admixture of all these.
Life is a whole lot easier when thought doesn’t come along and screw everything up.
- Raphael
Just read Yahoo News’s ‘Top 2007 [Most] Memorable Quote List’ and was entertained to see that Miss Teen America’s wince-provoking quote placed second on the list (I’ll keep Miss Lauren Upton’s name a secret though, for her own good).
This was her response to being asked why a fifth of Americans can’t locate America on a map:
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."
… Wonder if Miss Teen America has what it takes to replace President Bush.
I’ve heard Christ mentioned a total of one time in the past ten years of Christmas Celebration with friends and family. Which is fine - I’m not Christian. But it just seems commercialism has punched the Christ out of Christmas. I don’t know. That having been said, I’ve bought into some of that commercialism, marginally, and have some thoughts about regifting and gifting, in general.
I’m no purist and don’t see a problem with carefully rewrapping an (unused) gift and sending it off to someone who might enjoy it more. It’s just not something I do because I tend to trash unwanted gifts (can hear someone gasping and someone else out there nodding in agreement). Well, okay, sometimes they’re hauled off to the Salvation Army.
That reminds me, I’ve purchased baby toys from Salvation Army for my niece, so technically I really do regift. I chose SA because it’s just criminal what mainstream American toy - and pet - stores charge for scant amounts of cloth and plastic. Anyway, maybe someday I’ll accidentally stroll into SA and buy back an old shirt or coat I donated years ago. Hopefully I’ll get a good deal. Wonder if it’d make a good X-mas gift? … Maybe I’ll stumble into one of the toys I gave my niece.
My chief gift-giving concern is embedded in the first sentence of this blog: “someone … might enjoy it [the gift I got] more” (good Lord I’m quoting myself). It’s that word might. Yeah, the recipient might enjoy your gift, but the less you see any given person (or think about him or her), the less likely you are to give them something they need or want. You might even miscalculate the person you snore with every night. It’s this inability to read people’s desires that has America laden each winter - plagued, really - by unwanted surprises that turn into guilt-clutter, weighing down homes with unwanted crap. So yeah, the stealthy regifting thing is one solution. Or …
My solution is not very creative but it works: tell everyone Santa really does exist, and “here I am“! For the past few years my family and friends get asked specifically what they want. At first they seemed awkward about this. But it’s catchy: if they’re in the mood to give too, they seem relieved because they then feel free to ask me what I want. Then the whole thing is settled from both sides with minimal pain and without the use of a Tarot deck.
Surprises can be charming or disastrous. And if surprises were less costly this time of year, I'd be more adventurous. Asking is a way to know your cash isn’t being tossed into the back of someone‘s attic. Plus, you don’t have to worry about regifting your gift back accidentally. And you can always improvise around what they asked for - add to it a little somehow, creatively. If you still want to regift, you can simply ask them if it’s what they want before you give it to them. There’s also no shame in telling someone it’s used if your conscience is beating you up ... or if you're just moved to callously brag about how much money you probably saved.
- Raph
Harold, the Christian radio show host, kept taking callers. People were curious about Hell. Why was his version of it so curiously peaceful and, well, uneventful? To his credit, he chastised churches that hang the threat of Hell over their congregations to get them to follow specific church rules lest they be eternally damned. I started to lose interest in the show for a moment, until …What does it mean to be saved? The Bible tells us it takes more than inviting Christ into our hearts. It also takes action. Intent. (paraphrased)
He started citing scripture. I came to when I heard English again, emanating from a male caller:
There are millions of people on this earth following the Christian faith, so why is it that according to Revelations, only 144,000 will be saved in the end?
Excellent question, I thought. Never considered it before and wondered how the Hell the illogic of it had escaped me for so many years.
Weeeell (hedged Harold), it’s not enough to be saved ...
(Wha? - It takes more than being saved to be saved - how much more?)
It takes intent; actions … Here at Family Radio (he defaulted),
we have books … plenty of freeee literature to guide you in your salvation. It’s completely freeee..
Ahhh, there’s the hook! I thought. Nice touch Harold!
Harry launched into all the wrath the un-saved would have to endure soon (because Christianity is not about scaring people into believing). The best part was that his line of “reasoning” led to his absolute (sort of) proclamation that the prophecies in the Book of Revelations will begin in May of 2011. It was great radio: I was hoping he’d keep talking about it so I might record his promise and play it back to him on air, in June of 2012.
But someone might have beat me to it. Someone called in and painted Harold into a little bit of a corner.
So are you certain this will all start in May of 2011?
Hedging Harold got caught between trying to sound absolutely certain, and leaving himself a way out.
Ahh, uhhh, yes, it is almost probably certain.
… Let me be honest: I’m no longer sure of his exact words, but I’m certain I’m damn close. Well, I’m probably certain.
- R
It’s the tangent that won’t die …
Years ago, before the nationwide ebonics craze, a guy with a swastika inked onto the back of his neck introduced himself at a party we both happened to be at. He seemed civil enough - then he turned around and I saw his marking. My first thought was, “Now that he’s got a tattoo (of any sort), a Jewish cemetery won’t bury him. He’s really missing out.” My next thought was, “I bet this dude thinks he’s talking to someone else with disordered view points.” Things sizzled out from there.
Fast forward to more recent years: I’ve heard Neo-Nazis (mostly young males) greet each other with - and I say this with a straight face - “Wassssup?!”. I’ve heard one say “Haaail no”. Just like a Brother. While these oft confederate-waving, largely undereducated Caucasians are busy talking about the survival of their race and their culture, they’re also busy being Blackly hip. Some of these swastika-bearing biodegradables, would gladly rape and/or kill someone’s Black daughter and greet the White judge with “Wasssup nigga?”. It’s in the words and in the swagger: the tide of change has already started sweeping through. Cultures of all sorts are blending more than ever these days, despite prevailing race-related problems.
You may have noticed I’ve been using the term Black instead of African American. It’s not a PC thing. I’m lazy: it’s a waste of words. It’s generally obvious that someone who lives in America and has American citizenship is American. So it’s redundant. Do we generally call someone whose parents are from Scotland Scottish American? African, Black, Negroid, Colored … someone is always going to have a problem with whatever name is assigned to a political minority group. Many Africans I know prefer Black to African American. Some prefer colored. More than you’d think stopped caring a while back.
If you live in the US, I’ll assume your Nationality is American, okay? If you identify your people as being from Africa or Scotland or Greenland or Germany, I’ll assume you’re African, Scottish, etc. by ethnicity. Labels, including the “logic” of my system here, has flaws. It’s tiring to hear myself use this cliché, but: in the end, we’re all just people.
- R
This is a continued blathering session about recent slang in America. I promised to go after other cultures (besides just Whites), in Part II. Just an FYI first: Though I try and be at least a little sensitive to peoples’ feelings, I am no longer on the politically correct bandwagon. It took me a few miles of bumpy road before I leapt off, but I am definitely off. So if you become offended by any of the following, take note of your reaction, but I intend to keep shuffling forward.
There has been an obvious sharing of cultural slang, especially the usage of Black colloquialisms in mainstream American slang. Some of these are shear crap and insulting besides. I see nothing aesthetically or socially appealing about the word “nigger”, for example, when tossed around casually or seriously, by anyone of any color or background. This is not a PC stance, the word just sounds ugly to me … self-deprecating when Blacks use it, and reminds me of ignorant, laughable KKK cronies when others use it. Even if it sounded beautiful, by now it’s like eating too much of one thing. I’ve heard it so much just in music alone, that if I never heard it again I’d still be able to sleep at night. The phrases “self-love” and “self-esteem” are just as high on my cringe-o-meter, partially for the same reason.
But then there are colorful prose that have spilled over from the Black community into mainstream usage. They may not be grammatically correct in the sense of the Queen’s English, but sometimes they’re just fun:
It’s hot up in here.
While the juxtoposition of “up” and “in” breaks rules here, it arouses a sense of unbridled claustrophobia. It’s like you got raised up, then shoved inside an oven, or something equally hot. It’s a moving statement. It moves in two directions. It lifts you up, then shoves you in.
She stole your man? Well now that’s just jacked up.
It is! I can feel it!
Let me stop here to say I don’t believe in “ebonics” (Black slang as a language). Apparently Black American slang has legally been recognized as a language separate from English in at least one state. Now maybe this impression has been reinforced by the fact that subtitles are now often used in movies that feature interviews featuring Black, undereducated people. It’s laughable - you can understand just about all of them if you unplug at least one ear. Fact is, Black slang is no more separate from the English language, than, say, Shakespearean English, which is also filled with colorful metaphors and prose. “Hater”, while often an exaggeration of who it describes, does allow great economy. It can save many of us extra syllables, typing effort and ink. I mean, consider some traditional alternatives for “hater“: misanthrope/misanthropist, provocateur … and even the subcategories are cumbersome: misogynist, hypocrite, home wrecker, cat-calling scum sucker, infidel, molester?
There are a few sometimes short substitutes for hater I guess: teacher, parent, mom, dad ...
- R
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