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In Heaven:
* The French cook the food.
* The Swiss run the hotels.
* The Germans fix the cars.
* The Italians are the lovers.
* The English are the police.
In Hell:
* The English cook the food.
* The French run the hotels.
* The Italians fix the cars.
* The Swiss are the lovers.
* The Germans are the police.
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked. 2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure that they want to hear them. 3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there. 4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy. 5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. 6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the person and he cries out to be relieved. 7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have used it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. 8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself 9. Do not harm little children. 10. Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food. 11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Ooooohhhhh...this is for sure a good one!!!
Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....(both are equally dense!!)
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!! (Yea)
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions ..LOL!!!
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
This to some women who need a laugh..
And to men who can handle it.....
The life will be full of joy and happiness, when a person learns to find brighter side of the darkness. This post is dedicated to a very dear friend who does not realize how good she is. I am no where trying to show sympathy but I am just trying my best to make her realize that the life is not that bad.
There is always a brighter side at the end of the darkness and we will never be able to find if we keep ourselves in the darkness without even trying to move. I know, it hurts a lot when someone leaves on the halfway but instead of keeping ourselves in the past, we should look forward to the bright future which is ahead. The past was mere few years but why to waste whole life because of those few years?
I know that making rounds of those temples did not help, I know the fasts did not help but God is not there in those temples. God is nothing but inner you. God did not let that relationship work because God knew the future and certainly did not want you to be in the pain for the whole life. That person left you because he was not the right person for you and it was his bad luck that he did not get you, not yours.
The life is so beautiful and full of joy. I am not asking you to forget the past, don’t even forget a single moment of it but also learn to look at the present which is welcoming you with open arms. Embrace the present with a smile and joy. And once you learn to do it, the past won’t make those tears come out.
This one is for everyone, learn to live life with joy, I know we face lot of difficulties in the life but we should learn how to overcome them. If you have lost something in the life, do not waste time thinking why did you lose it but spend time in thinking how can you be better so that you don’t make that kind of loss again.
When you lose something, it simply means that there is something better in the basket which is waiting for you. Just pass the test of life and you will never regret.
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead
Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole
The most Poisonous Three Letter word "EGO": Kill it
The most used Four Letter Word "LOVE": Value it
The most pleasing Five Letter Word "SMILE": Keep it
The fastest spreading Six Letter Word "RUMOUR": Ignore it
The hardest working Seven Letter Word "SUCCESS": Achieve it
The most enviable Eight Letter Word "JEALOUSLY": Distance it
The most powerful Nine letter Word "KNOWLEDGE": Acquire it
The most essential Ten letter Word "CONFIDENCE": Trust it
Winning horse dont know y to run in race,
it runs coz of beat n pain.
Life is a race,
God is ur rider,
if ur in pain then think,
God want u to win.
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me
and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
There was once a contest to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
And finally, remember, no matter how old you are, God loves you!
Be Calm... Quiet... Tranquil....
Bloom as often as you can...
Stay close to your Family....
Explore the world around you....
Enjoy the relaxing rhythm of waves...
W A T C H T H E M O O N R I S E....
Spread your wings and take off on your own...
Then enjoy the comfort of coming home again...
Life is short.
Please... While you can...
Take time to enjoy all the little pleasures
that life has provided you....
If you need some hints....
Go back and read this again!
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