DATE: 02/20/2008 07:22:50 / MOOD: goofy
You Know You're in a Redneck
Church if...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the
purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether
the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used
to
catch 'em.
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take
up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official
church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his
4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole
it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven
last
names in the church directory.
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift
something too heavy.
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the
logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck
call.
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back
now, Ya hear."
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